It’s Simple, Just Reply!

Just ReplyWhy is it that people can’t seem to reply to your email to let you know they received it!  ARG!!

...And This Is Why We Drink™

Cats & Xmas Trees


...And This Is Why We Drink™

My New Job

Two hours into my first day of work as a Wal-Mart greeter, an ugly woman came in with her two kids. Hearing her swear at them, I said, ‘Good morning, welcome toWal-Mart. Nice kids, are they twins?’ The mom answered, ‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why would you think they’re twins? Are you blind or stupid?’ I replied, ‘I’m not blind or stupid. I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work…

...And This Is Why We Drink™

We’re Doomed…

The Courthouse where I work is having some re-modeling / reconstruction done to the main entry and foyer. Yesterday there was required ceiling repair required right by the main entry doors, which required sheetrockers to work on very tall ladders. I had to stand out by the entry to prevent people entering the building from taking a shortcut under the ladders on which the workers were standing.

We finally decided that it might be better to lock the doors near the work, which necessitated locking three of the four doors. While this prevented people entering the building from walking under the ladders, it did not stop people trying to exit the building from walking under the ladders. So I still had to stand there and direct the people to exit through the one unlocked door.

But wait!! There’s more!! Fully one in five people attempting to enter the building would end up trying the open the three locked doors, and then give up and walk away without trying the fourth unlocked door, even as they saw people exiting through that door.


...And This Is Why We Drink™

Rules for Posting

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences up with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Ihate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
25. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

...And This Is Why We Drink™